Change

logging onto my computer to play video games to hide from the fact that I just quit my job. My mind in it’s weakness, this cold gripping my throat, making me cough to the point where I can’t feel the knives in my back anymore. What am I doing this for. For me. What are you doing this for; for yourself.

WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?

Because I have no faith in myself. I have no faith that things will be ok. I’m thirteen years past due the hypothetical marriage that was supposed to fix the aperture in my life. The picture is still unfocused.

I’m so tired. I’m so tired. I’m so tired. I’m so tired. I’m so tired. I’m so tired. I’m so tired. I’m so tired. I’m so tired.

I wish I had something I could depend on. Something constant. Something resolute. So I can brave this changing climate.

Oh ever nonjudging and noncaring universe, please bestow upon me one person that will let me lean on them.

Autumn 2021

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