My Mind and Contemplations

How does my mind work? I sometimes don’t know the answer to that myself! The thoughts I have, the kind of over-processing of any scenario I do in my brain are very bizarre at times. By profession, it’s my job to analyze every aspect of the work that I do to provide the perfect deliverables to the consumer. But sometimes I forget that my job is not linked to my personal life, and hence I do not need to overthink everything, freakin’ all the time!

I remember this one incident, where I couldn’t get in touch with one of my very close friends for the whole day. The day before, all the conversations were absolutely fine between us, nothing out of the ordinary, except the fact that he went to bed early than his usual time. At that moment, I did find it odd but chose not to think about it.

So naturally the next day, I kept sending him texts, as I usually would about something funny that would’ve happened in the day, or something serious; basically anything worth mentioning. He didn’t see any of the texts till the afternoon, and I thought, “Yeah, he must have a ton of work to do today…”. But then evening came by, it was already 9 pm, which was way past his office hours, which made me think that he must be home by now, so what’s going on? Is he okay? Why hasn’t he responded or called even once today?

My mind immediately went to our last conversation the day before. I kept scrutinizing every detail of what we had talked, and honestly, we were just discussing about some random meme we saw the other day and were laughing over it. I still kept thinking, “I must have said something which I don’t remember right now, but it must have definitely hurt his feelings. He also went to bed early yesterday, maybe he was actually mad at me and didn’t wanna talk anymore”. And with no way to know whether what I was thinking was even true or not, I opened our chat and started writing a heartfelt apology, to no idea what exactly I had done wrong, and it went something like, “…I am so sorry if I have hurt you in any way, I must have spoken something without thinking about it…, you are one of my closest friends, and I should try to fix the problem if I have taken a wrong step…”.

Well, one hour later, my friend saw all the texts I had sent since morning and went into utter shock after looking at the way things had progressed with each succeeding message. He video-called me right away, and before he could even start talking, I started apologizing (again, no clue why) to him. He ultimately stopped me, and said, “Would you let me talk first?”. He then started telling me that he got stuck at work till late in the evening, and as soon as he came back, he straight away went to sleep as he had not been feeling well since last night. And when he woke up, he finally felt a bit better and went for dinner. And as soon as he came back, he saw my texts, understood that I must have as usual gone into my overthinking mode, and called me right away.

I really don’t know why I went in that direction with something so simple, which can happen to several people any day. Normally, others won’t read too much into situations like these; they would actually know that the other person will respond when they get the time. However, since that incident, I still sometimes wonder why I am this way.

Now things have gotten better where I don’t try to infer too much right away, and take some time to think about it logically before immediately drawing some unexplainable conclusion on my own. But still, it's my hope to overcome this “Hamlet’s Syndrome (yes, it’s a real thing!)” before it actually makes me go insane with my oversell concepts.

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