Breathe

A poem

Trigger warning: depression.

Grey light of dawn pushes through every crevice
hits eyes, waking mind from fitful slumber.
Day presses down upon tired body, holding, hiding, it under.
Sound of feet on stairs alert, mother’s presence is requested.

Body pushes up and out through heavy haze of sleepless nights.
Cold floor on feet sends whispers of sensations up limbs
urging numb appendages to tuck back under cover,
to hide from world and life once more.

Children’s voices call up, come down, make breakfast
overruling seductive softness of bed and cover.
Day’s weight, a crushing force on chest now
halting breath, halting heart, halting mind.

Body rises through syrup, descends endless stairs.
Vortex of morning chaos whips at hair and nerves.
Cacophony of shouts passes through ears
as sound through water, distorted and strange.

Coffee and toast sit on table, taunting, mocking,
throat constricts at thought of taste on tongue.
Nourishment cold and stale, sucked dry by sorrow
decomposes on plate as eyes stare blind.

Relief of silence in wake of children’s departure
leaves space for explosive sadness to fill.
Volcanic magma destroying all it encounters,
petrifying in stale air, fortifying shell guarding putrifying core.

Tears flow from endless pit of rot in depths of soul
filled to brim from eons of neglect and sorrow.
‘Take a break’ feeble voice whispers into inner ear.
‘Take a breath’ voice continues into deafness of mind.

Sun crawls into eyes with rays like thorned roses.
Wooden porch digs into bones as tired body lowers.
Grassy softness scratches sore feet like needles.
Outside pain a welcome distraction from inside misery.

Tears flow still, easing tension crushing from inside.
Pit empties as tears stop and chest stills.
Absence of sadness accentuates endless emptiness,
a gaping hole of vacuum within.

Greens and pinks of flowering garden sing in full glory, in vain.
Beauty and brilliance never reaching shriveled insides.
Pain of light cuts eyes that lower to grass under feet.
Strange shape catches eye, makes withering mind wonder.

Proud four-leaved clover reaches for sky in reverent salute.
Chest heaves, sucks breath into deprived lungs.
Scent of roses fills nose, fills mind, finds home.
Fingers graze simple beauty of nature’s perfection.

Sight returns portraying brilliant colored blossoms
in softest yellow light of morning sun.
Birdsong reaches ears, caresses mind, soothes soul,
filling vacuum with sweet tones of life surrounding.

Sadness recedes from light, from sight, from brilliance
making room for world and self and breath.
Tiny spark ignites in hardened lump that once was heart
Ignited flame a tiny feeble thing in airless darkness.

Tears flow once more, filling pit with healing nectar
feeding inner soil for future strength to grow.
Air trapped by breath fills darkness, feeds flame.
Turns flame to mighty fire, melting heart of stone.

Copyright, T.H.Cleemann, 2023

If you recognize this from your own soul, please make sure you are reaching out and talking to someone about it.

Please know that it is possible to reemerge from that dark and miserable place.

Thank you so much for spending time with my words. I wish you much love and strength in your heart.

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