Changing Through Radical Acceptance

Embracing to let go

Retirement was a foggy concept for me. Working almost non-stop since I was seventeen, often very long hours, was my life — was me. My identity was wrapped in my work. I was proud of being the competent go-to person, the one who always meets the deadline, even when it means working late into the night or on Saturdays and Sundays.

Vacations made me itchy. Work was piling up; I was needed. I didn’t relax easily or well.

Then, the coronavirus changed the work-lives of most of us.

My clients’ businesses were deemed essential by our state. My work continued but with some performed remotely. Fewer people in the offices. A quieter, less chaotic atmosphere.

I liked how the pandemic changed my work experience — at first.

In April, my clients were virus-cautious, with protocols in place to keep everyone safe. What I didn’t realize was those protocols were very temporary.

Locked-down status eased in May. My clients were betting that the summer heat and humidity would kill the virus, and normality would return.

As June progressed, virus-fatigue set in. Although cases and deaths were rising drastically in our state, my clients eased their virus protocols. Remote work became infrequent — offices filled with employees and clients. Masks were worn around “outsiders” but not with staff, as though people on the payroll couldn’t get or share Covid-19.

My co-workers threw caution aside and hopped on commercial airlines, flying hours across the country for vacations at tourist locations, returning to work without quarantining.

My anxiety grew. Over 65 myself and with a retired, immune-compromised husband, I couldn’t let down my guard. One slip-up and I might become sick and bring the virus home to him.

At my largest client office, two employees underwent testing due to contact with others who displayed symptoms and tested positive. Those test results were negative, but the very fact that they were openly socializing without masks in public…

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